25 Weeks

My arms ache to hold my sweet baby.

The thing I have always loved about holding babies is it feels like you are holding a piece of heaven. They are more precious then anything on this earth.

I am so excited for the moment I finally get to hold my angel!

Someone said to me "A baby is a miracle no matter how they come."

So true.

But this has not always been how I have looked at things... for which I feel so so guilty.

When I found out I was pregnant instead of being honored and excited to have been blessed with this baby... I was angry and scared and sad. I cried a ton. I was depressed and hated myself.

Six months later as I begin to come to terms with repenting and turning my life around I have forgiven myself for making some very dumb mistakes.

Now I cannot wait to hold him but also, I love having him with me all the time, the world is a scary place and I am nervous to let him out into it.

Pregnancy has not been my favorite thing.

I still get sick everyday, there are the backaches and neckaches and just everything aches.

But the experience of feeling him grow, of knowing this little person is living in inside of me, is not something I would trade for anything.

I love every kick I feel.

I love feeling him swim around.

I love talking to him and always having him near my heart.

And as I bring Braxten into this world I NEVER EVER EVER want him to feel like he was not wanted.

I never want my little boy to think he was a mistake or feel unloved.

Braxten I am so sorry.

I hope you realize I love you.

I hope you know I wouldn't trade you for anything.

I hope you understand how grateful I am for you.

You are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.

You have changed me so much and you are not even born yet :)

I cannot imagine how much more you will change me when you are here..

I look forward to the day when I can hold you in my arms and tell you I love you.

Thank you for choosing me to be your mom.

You are my hero...

For choosing to come down to this earth at a time like this.

For rescuing me.

And loving me.

I love you Braxten xoxo