My Choice to Single Parent

I have been asked a lot of questions lately. The biggest one being...

Why are you choosing parenting over adoption?

No one needs to be offended, this is MY choice and MY opinion.

Every situation is different and I admire any girl who chooses adoption or parenting.

Until you have been in our shoes you don't know. Everyone thinks they know what they would do if they were single and pregnant, but you don't until you've had it happen to you. And even then like I said every situation is different. There are so many factors in deciding... this decision is only between you and the Lord.

I will preface this by saying I think adoption is an amazing thing. It has blessed so many lives and will in the future continue to do so. I have the utmost respect for birth parents and the sacrifice they make.

As some of you may know I considered, and planned on placing for the first five months of my pregnancy. I learned amazing lessons and met some amazing people. To give up your own child is such a selfless and amazing thing to do... that the only way someone can do it is if they KNOW it is Heavenly Fathers plan. Adoption is not something you can choose if you are trying to punish yourself or teach yourself a lesson.

I had the opportunity of meeting a couple trying to adopt and became very close to them. I told myself I could give up my baby to them. I went through the motions of going to an adoption agency, filling out birth parent papers, reading books on adoption. I told myself this is what I was going to do and continued to try and convince myself it is what was best for everyone involved.

I talked to other birth moms and girls planning on placing, they were great stories and I would always think ... wow what a great experience. I wish I could have that. But I wasn't. I was miserable and depressed and hated myself everyday. I do know birth mothers hearts break when they place their babies but they also feel a peace... and I was not feeling that.

I could not function when I was so unhappy, I knew it was unhealthy for me and my baby. Something needed to change. To get into a better state of mind I began not thinking about what would happen after this baby was born and only thinking about right now, and what was happening inside of me. I began to enjoy being pregnant, and I enjoyed life for the first time in a long time. It was amazing how many people I had come up to me and say how much happier I looked.

When I finally got to a place where I knew I was in a better state of mind and felt like I could make a good decision I got on my knees and prayed.

Harder then I have ever prayed before. I told Heavenly Father all my fears, how scared I was to have a baby, what a bad mother I would be, how sad I was to think of giving him away. I then told him that my baby was all that mattered and whatever he knew was best for my son that is what I would do.

The answer and the feeling I received was not what I expected. At the same time the peace I had been craving for so long finally came. And I knew everything would work out.

I am so so grateful for prayers and a loving Heavenly Father who answers them.

Many people do not understand my decision.

They make it sound like a funeral instead of the birth of a precious spirit.

I hear things like

"You have no idea what you are getting yourself into."

"It will be too hard and you are ruining your life."

"You should give that baby to parents who deserve him."

"You are being selfish if you don't give your baby away."

or my favorite

"You won't ever be able to give that baby anything he deserves."

It amazes me every time I hear these things especially from family and people I once considered friends. I have no doubt in my mind this will be the hardest thing I ever do. And that I really don't know what I am getting myself into. Then again does any parent?

And not to be rude but to those people who don't have anything nice to say DON'T SAY ANYTHING! Unless you are going to be happy and love Braxten and give us both support, then we don't need or want you around.

Adoption is an amazing option, and one I am SO grateful I had the opportunity to consider it.

But that is not my answer, plain and simple.

I also want to thank all of our family and friends who HAVE been excited and supportive and loving through all of this! There is nothing that I love more then getting a message, text or card from people showing that they still care.

So thank you :) and we cannot wait to share the rest of our lives with all of you amazing people!

Love, Candace and Braxten